Do you ever fart and think, “Oh my god, my anus is heinous.”? Like the fart that just came out of my bum really bums me out. Sometimes I let one rip and I am aghast at how absolutely foul the stench my ass spewed forth is. I then need to crack a window, turn on an air purifier, add some essential oils to my humidifier, or just plain leave the room. Most of the time my farts are tolerable, but sometimes I wonder what it was that I ate to create a smell so foreign and wretched. “This isn’t my usual brew.” I think.
But it’s at these moments when I get a feeling way deep down in my soul. A sense of pride in my intestinal creation. This pride doesn’t bubble to the surface (like my flatulence). Nay… it stays buried deep within me (like gas building in my gut). For I know that I should not be proud of my strong emissions but ashamed of them. I would feel shame if there were anyone else to witness a particularly raunchy fart. But if it’s only I who bares witness to my putrid ass potion, then I think, “Wow. You did it. You son of a bitch; you really did it.” Because I created a beautifully wretched work of art with my ass. And as much as I’d like to shove that emotion down, I know that I created something significant that would go into the fart hall of fame if there were such a thing. You may think that your shit stank too… but I’m here to tell you my shit stank worse.
This was strictly a work of parody and fiction. I’m one of those people who never fart. Y’all are disgusting.
About the Author: Luke Westberg is a stand-up comedian and comedic musician based out of Reno, NV. He will literally perform anywhere if you pay him enough. Also, he never farts.
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